Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I Understand

For all of this time, everything was about me, I understand.
I always ask you to do this and that, and you always try your best to do this and that just for me, I understand.
You never ask me to do something, and never ask me not to do something, you always say yes and support everything i do, I understand.
I have been selfish, and you have been so understanding, I understand.
But I need to know what you feel, I need to have you share everything, cus we will share our life together.

Just minutes ago, I found a problem which might come in the future. You with your problem, not sharing it with me, cus I know that you dont want to share bad/ sad/ negative things with me, I am sooo understand. I understand, cus I am like that too.

What I'm afraid is, what if someday I don't understand and I don't want to understand.

I hope this posting will keep remind me to always understand, cus I promise that you will make me happy and I will make you happy,.... forever.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Insomnia

Last couple of months,.. maybe more .. up to now.... I have trouble in sleeping.
Actually I sleep early most of the time. I go to sleep arround 9.00 pm, but I always wake up arround 11.00 pm and that goes until 2.00 - 3.00 am. I think that is why I always get this dizzy, migrain and allergic.

When I think why I cant sleep, I blame my self for not know how to be happy. Maybe its because I'm not happy in life, but I realize that I dont have any reason for not being happy.

Also flashed a tought, that may be I dont feel comfortable and secured. That is why when I cant sleep, I usually and oftenly call my bf. Talking to him makes me feel sooo secured, which then helps me to sleep.
My Bf once asked me "Ning why u always sleepy when we chat? am I that boring Ning?"... :D

Another thing that it maybe is the cause why I cant sleep at night, which is my debt. I have this debt, and I think about it all the time, how can I pay and when I can get free from this debt. Its not that much, its just like one month of salary of mine, but to pay that debt, it takes at least 3 months, cus I have another thing to pay (bills etc) and also living cost to fullfil.

lets see if I can sleep fine this next month, when I already free from my debt. Meanwhile I will try to gratitude, and be happy also I wil try to feel secured .. by myself.