Sunday, December 27, 2009

I am soooo ready

I am so ready to be urs... :D

Sunday, December 6, 2009

nice thing to remember

he made me some quiz, it was 15 questions with option answers...
i think its cute, funny, sweet and nggambus..

i should save that quiz,... i didnt... :(

Sunday, October 18, 2009

can't leave her

i love her,...
and i don't think i can leave her...
i know she will be fine,..
but i need her,...
i need to know that she is fine...
all the times....

and i dont want to make her sad,...

what if she misses me,...
she will be sad if im not there next to her...

i love her,..
i love my mom.. ..

Friday, October 9, 2009

it was the unnecessary thing

Sometimes, I miss the unnecessary thing which was unexpectedly happened, therefore it makes the unnecessary unexpectedly thing happened doesn't have to be regretted.

hahahahaaahhwawwoooaaahhhmmm...

still, it wasn't and it is not necessary.. and still,... it will not going to be necessary....

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I Understand

For all of this time, everything was about me, I understand.
I always ask you to do this and that, and you always try your best to do this and that just for me, I understand.
You never ask me to do something, and never ask me not to do something, you always say yes and support everything i do, I understand.
I have been selfish, and you have been so understanding, I understand.
But I need to know what you feel, I need to have you share everything, cus we will share our life together.

Just minutes ago, I found a problem which might come in the future. You with your problem, not sharing it with me, cus I know that you dont want to share bad/ sad/ negative things with me, I am sooo understand. I understand, cus I am like that too.

What I'm afraid is, what if someday I don't understand and I don't want to understand.

I hope this posting will keep remind me to always understand, cus I promise that you will make me happy and I will make you happy,.... forever.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Insomnia

Last couple of months,.. maybe more .. up to now.... I have trouble in sleeping.
Actually I sleep early most of the time. I go to sleep arround 9.00 pm, but I always wake up arround 11.00 pm and that goes until 2.00 - 3.00 am. I think that is why I always get this dizzy, migrain and allergic.

When I think why I cant sleep, I blame my self for not know how to be happy. Maybe its because I'm not happy in life, but I realize that I dont have any reason for not being happy.

Also flashed a tought, that may be I dont feel comfortable and secured. That is why when I cant sleep, I usually and oftenly call my bf. Talking to him makes me feel sooo secured, which then helps me to sleep.
My Bf once asked me "Ning why u always sleepy when we chat? am I that boring Ning?"... :D

Another thing that it maybe is the cause why I cant sleep at night, which is my debt. I have this debt, and I think about it all the time, how can I pay and when I can get free from this debt. Its not that much, its just like one month of salary of mine, but to pay that debt, it takes at least 3 months, cus I have another thing to pay (bills etc) and also living cost to fullfil.

lets see if I can sleep fine this next month, when I already free from my debt. Meanwhile I will try to gratitude, and be happy also I wil try to feel secured .. by myself.

Monday, June 29, 2009

one word

one word... "amazing"

Thursday, June 25, 2009

tell u wat

my bf... called me the other day, first early in the morning.. he told me that he got a bad dream.. .. in the dream, me and my mom were there.. we were in his bro's room and when he tried to meet me.. i went away.. so we were like perfect strangers to each others... then he woke up sad.. and directly called me...

he told me that he got sad, and first thing on his mind was to marry me as soon as possible... and so we decided to have a chat... on the phone he said... "lets chat babe, but after couple of games ok??!!?".. .. and then.. that day.. there was no chat at all.. .. till i called him.. and he was like... "babe im still playing PS3,..and im thinking about chatting tomorow morning.. is it ok??!!?".... and in the morning.. when i called.. he was still sleeping cant ofcourse he said that he misses me.... but we didnt chat that time.. cus he had to go to the bank.. ..

i told my friend about my bf's habit... he she said "kembang lambe"... wooo... lha bener.. dasar mouth flower!!!!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Happiness

sometimes ago, i chatted to a friend, ... he asked how am i doing.. i said im fine... and then i added... "do u know whats depressing... when i feel fine, some friends of mine said to me that i don't look happy... "...

my friend replied "don't worry... when u looked sad, it doesn't mean that u are..."...

finally I found the answer,.. after months of thinking, about my happiness.. like am i happy?.. or maybe I'm not happy but i denie it.. or.. maybe I'm not happy but I'm pretending that i am happy... then there was also a conclusion "i am pathetic"... and that made me sad and depressed....

.. , I think I'm fine,.. maybe not happy cus im not celebrating something.. but I'm fine.. .. and if I look unhappy, it doesn't mean i am unhappy...

I'm fine, and I'm enjoying my life.....

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Lelaki Nggambus yang Pede

lagi nonton film drama Korea.. Boys Before Flowers...
saya ndak hapal nama tokoh di situ satu satu...
tapi salah satu nya yang rambutnya dicat itu mirip Sule si pelawak...

lha kan yang kriting di film itu kan suka sama si cewek..
dia bilang ke si cewek kalo si cewek itu beruntung bisa menjadi pacarnya di luar sekolah... karena dia itu ganteng, tinggi dan kaya.. cuihh...

aku pernah tuh ketemu laki2 yang nggambus dan pede kayak gitu..
ostosmastis aku tersinggung to..
dia bilang "i can choose any girl / woman i want,.. but i dont do that.. cus i want u...only.."..

maksud dia ngomong gitu tuh biar aku merasa flattered.. lha flattered mu gedhi!!!!..
brarti kan dia menganggap aku drajat nya lebih rendah dari dia to?.. kurang ajyyaaarr.... kalo ada brambang bawang di depanku bisa aku rajang rajang sampek lembuttt!!!...

menurutku!!.. apesnya dia kalo suka sama aku.. dan apes nya dia lagi kalo dia itu ndeso!!!...

harta itu bisa dicari,.. ketampanan itu relatip.. dan kendesoan itu mutlak!!.. dia tuh ndeso banget kalo mikir aku bisa dibeli dgn uwang....

...

dari sini aku menarik kesimpulan..
itulah kehidupan... ada sesuatu menjengkelkan yang perlu dikenang..
untuk pengalaman dan untuk pembelajaran....

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

there was a time....

there was a time, when he looked at me 2 meters away...
he said to himself... "this girl must be mine!"...

I was just smilling that time, cus actually..
that time.. I was already his.. and still his and will always his...

Monday, May 25, 2009

Im Happy

I love and Im loved,
I have debt but I have savings.
My mom is fine, my sisters and brother are also fine...

I have a good job, and Im enjoying it.
I am not in a difficult situation anymore,
I am safe.

I protect my self.

I enjoy the waiting, and I promise I will enjoy every little thing that is happening to me....

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I am loved

It would be a lie if I say that Im not loved and I dont have someone to love...

I am sooo loved, and I have someone that I love ...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

cant stop smilling today

I just found out that everything I ever ask for always come true, I know that I am loved, but... this is just ... clearly confirmed that Allah loves me and always gives me the best for me.... its just a matter of timing,... and what I can get/ learn from the plans...

Just today, I received a very good news,... which actually the news that I was waiting for,... I needed this, and Im still needing for this...

Just hopefully I can pass trough this wisely and smoothly,...

I always feel like Im not happy,.. I am not a happy person... I didnt know how to gratitude,.. but then I realize, Im just a person who cant see my own happiness...

I am happy, and I am enjoying every little thing that is happening to me,.. and looking foward for the plans that made/ written for me...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

annoying parable

he said ... that if he has to choose between playing with METALICA ... and being with me,... he would choose to be with me first...

last time i check my age... it was 27 going to be 28... and my bf said that to me to make me happy.. well i was annoyed, but it was funny...

Saturday, March 21, 2009

i breath u

how could i fall in love with another guy..

when i have to hear ur voice to continue my days...

Saturday, March 14, 2009

selfish jackfruit

how come u want me to love u..

when u are trying not to make me fall in love with u...

selfish jackfruit... too much is never good.....

Friday, March 6, 2009

I am the Moon

No woman could ever be me...

no body could ever be me....

I am me....

and you,... the giant devil.....

could never have me.....

and could never reach me....

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

im not happy

for the last 4 days ive been crying,.. and i got tired...
i dunno what i need, but i do need help...
i cant be like this for the rest of my life...
im dying i know it very well...
but no one seems to care about it...

now im going to be selfish....

Friday, February 13, 2009

anniversary

today is valentine's day... and also our 6th anniversary... ha...
i deserve a chocolate from my bf... 6 years, and i never get any chocolate from him on valentine's day...

and today.. not even a call....
....
or an e-card...

if there is a stupid 27 years old woman,..
then.. she would be me....

and im not proud of it.....

6 years, ,,.. ,.. and my feeling is growing....

Thursday, February 12, 2009

?good? memory


saat itu, bagaikan Shinta yang disekap oleh Rahwana...
tapi bedanya, aku yang menyerahkan diri,.. walaupun Rahwana yang buas itu memang berniat menculik ku....

never hurting me

i never have u hurting me...
and so u make me not prepared to be hurt by u..
i have been comfortable with the way u treating me...
it scares me...
u scare me...