Wednesday, June 25, 2008

being a pro


jadi ceritanya begini...
tadi malam.. untuk yang kesekian kalinya saya menolak dosa itu... karena saya mencoba untuk menjadi putih,.. mencoba untuk mempertahankan apa yang saya masih punya...

bertubi tubi... sampai suatu saat sms saya yang kemungkinan belum teranalisa oleh diri saya sendiri memposisikan diri saya pada situasi yang tidak nyaman..
... alhasil saya tadi malam tidur dengan galau....

akankah.. kontrak kerja diperpanjang.....

walaupun film lucu "the heartbreakerkid", dengan gaya ketulo tulo ala ben stiller menemaniku tidur saat itu.. namun ketakutan dan ketidaknyamanan itu menghantui..

dan membuatku bermimpi.. .. mimpi yang aneh..
.. mimpi yang menceritakan bahwa dosa itu masuk ke kehidupanku.. namun aku tidak memperdulikannya.. dan akhirnya mengantarnya pergi.. walaupun dengan berat hati...

lalu.. pagi tadi.. ada sms menanyakan tentang pekerjaan .. sms yang diketik dengan sangat profesional..

dan here i am now.. being a professional..

saya lolos lagi!!.. setidaknya untuk hari ini...

Saturday, June 21, 2008

pursuit of happiness

when i lost my dad, i lost everything..
now i try to keep what i have left...
and try to get what i used to have...
seems to be impossible..
...

no man could love me like my dad did..

maybe what i need is just to grow up..
and act like an adult..
.. and wake up .. face the reality..
its soo stupid.. and im stupid!!
i hate that...

i should be walking like other people..
.. maybe i do walking.. but im walking alone..
and these people who are walking next to me..
are soo nasty and bothering..
stupid people!!.. and stupid me.. !!
i shouldnt let them bother me!!..

i just wanna be happy...

my dad was funny and annoying..
the most annoying person in this world..
he liked to tease me trying to piss me off..
.. but when my dad happy.. it made me happy too..
.. i miss my dad...
i was never run to my dad when something bad happened to me..
.. but when my dad died.. it was like i lost the center of my world..
when the world is spinning.. i got bothered, and i feel alone..
like i have nobody..

i am so stupid..
too stupid to be happy,.. and too stupid to be grateful for what i have now...

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Me Devil

I was fine.. So berry berry fine..
Even I was proud of my self.. And I also had that moment asking everybody to be proud of me..
Then now.. The door for me to be an antagonist in real life is opened..
Not that widely .. which supposed I can skip it.. but somehow I dont trust my self..

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

shop girl


Last nite i watched this movie, and .. .
well the movie is kinda slow.. i mean not everybody will like this movie.. but somehow i do .. i enjoyed watching it.. and it has some words that make me aware of some cases ..in life..
it was like, sometimes he thinks about her, and sometimes she thinks about him.. but she chose to be with someone who offer her sincere and honest.. and how could he feel the lost,.. when he was trying to get her away from him since the first time..
so its like... u think about her/him or viceversa.. doesnt mean u love her/ him or viceversa.. and doesnt mean u cant live without her/him..
and feeling of lost is normal.. itulah kehidupan..